Anantara: A Reflection over the Holidays
Holidays are always a wonderful opportunity for families to strengthen their bond, and that was precisely our goal during this year's June holidays.
As we explored our options, we were captivated by the allure of Desaru. The area had undergone significant redevelopment, making it an attractive destination that was conveniently close by. Among the recently opened resorts, Anantara immediately caught our attention, bringing our decision-making process to a swift conclusion.
And so, we embarked on a 5-day trip, divided into two parts: 3 days and 2 nights in Desaru, followed by the same duration in JB.
As always, spending quality time together as a family revealed new and different aspects of parenting to me.
A pressing question lingered in my mind: how much should I indulge or pamper Daniel during our holiday before it crosses the line into spoiling him?
Let's consider our meals as an example. While we adhere to a strict diet for Daniel at home, should we relax our rules and allow him to eat whatever he wants during our vacation? Screen time presents another dilemma. Back at home, we have imposed nearly zero screen time for him. But is it acceptable to let him watch some TV while we're on holiday?
This quandary arose because I grappled with the incessant worry that, as a toddler, Daniel might not comprehend the reasons behind our relaxed approach. I feared he might perceive it as a precedent for demanding the same leniency in the future.
To navigate these dilemmas, I devised a simple "rule" that I call the Baseline Rule. Essentially, it establishes a baseline for all situations. Let's return to meal times as an example. The specific foods he eats are not as important as ensuring he is adequately nourished. And as for screen time, it matters less how long he watches TV, as long as the shows meet certain standards—avoiding overstimulation and providing educational value. So, regardless of the situation, I always strive to find the baseline and apply it.
I adopted this approach because I believe that if we, as adults, can take a relaxed stance during holidays, children should be afforded the same opportunity. That's why I believe Daniel deserves some leeway during our vacations.
As odd as it may sound, I also found myself fixating on every small item Daniel dropped. It's worth noting that Daniel can be a bit clumsy at times, but it's understandable. His psychomotor skills and grip are still developing.
However, I'd like to share a profound incident that occurred during our holiday. On one occasion, Daniel was sipping from a small carton of milk when he innocently remarked, "I shouldn't spill the milk on the floor, or papa will get angry." In response, I casually replied, "Yessss."
Yet, upon reflection, I realised the weight of his words. His understanding of right and wrong, in this case, not spilling the milk, was driven by fear. It dawned on me that I had missed a valuable teachable moment.
The next time Daniel made a similar comment, I swiftly seized the opportunity to explain the reasons behind certain restrictions. For instance, I elaborated on how spilling milk would result in a dirty, sticky floor that could attract ants or other insects if not cleaned immediately.
Upon deeper introspection, I discovered that this was not merely a teachable moment for Daniel but also for myself. It taught me that in the midst of our daily routines, we often forget to rationalise our behaviours and decisions to our young ones. All they see is our emotional reactions to specific behaviours. This is not a healthy parenting style because our children then shape their behaviour based on our responses and approval.
I realised that while this journal is meant for Daniel to read when he grows up, the entire process helps me to reflect and be better myself. Alas, I can only hope to do better in my parenting.
Alright, enough talking and let’s jump into the holiday itself!
