Making up for Lost Time

Making Up for Lost Time

This week has been particularly hard for Daniel and me.

I am not sure if it was his stomach flu, the change in routine or my late nights at work that made Daniel more distant from me while at the same time, more reluctant to let me go. I know, it is ironic but let me explain.

He did not want me near him at all, but did not want me to leave him at the same time too

On one hand, he doesn't really want me to carry/shower/play with/read books to him. On the other hand, when I had to drop him off either at my in-laws or at school, he struggled to let me go. He cried his heart out, asking for papa to not go. His cries, then, were so traumatising.

I always thought that I could handle separation anxiety well. Partly because I am a practical person (life has to go on, and it is half a day in school/at in-laws, things will return to normal eventually) and also because I believe I need to balance out with my wife.

But this week was drastically different for me. I kept thinking about how it must have felt for him when I continued to walk away and disappeared whilst he was crying out loud for me. The hurt, the sense of abandonment, and the accumulated distrust that he must have felt must have been overwhelming for a small boy like him.

I apologised to him at the end of each day, for making him go through all those horrible emotions, but his forgiveness felt like "we-got-to-move-on" kind of apology. I wish he could understand how torn I feel now.

The guilt inside of me makes me want to make it up to him so badly, which was why I could not wait for the weekend arrive again; where things feel normal, and I can make up for whatever that was lost this week.

So I made a promise to Daniel on one of the school drop-offs that I knew was going to be hard for him; I promised him that I will bring him to the beach with mama this coming weekend, and we will eat something nice together as a family. To my surprise, even though he kept silent when I made the promise, he went on to repeat the exact same words to his teacher with great excitement (as relayed by his form teacher). This simple news warmed my heart so much.

And so, that was how the weekend began ..

We left home early at around 7am, partly because we wanted to beat the hot late morning period but also because I was just excited for the day

The beach was practically empty and ours for the entire morning.

Seeing Daniel smile so widely again after what he had been through during the week made me happy.

There is this spot in sentosa where the waves do not reach the beach at all. The result? A calm pond-like beach for Daniel to play in.

Funny thing that happened was Daniel kept insisting to change out his wet clothes. I think that he is just not used to playing with water without his swimsuit.

Happiness.

Managed to squeeze in about .. 1 minute … of playing catch with my wife before having to attend back to Daniel

Ended the morning by heading up the two towers. I am quite doubtful that it says the two towers are the most southernmost point of continental Asia. Hmm, what about Indonesia?

A perfect view.

As we were heading back home, I thought that since have a bit of time and Daniel loves trains and anything to do with trains (imagine tracks, stations etc.), I could swing by to Tanjong Pagar train station for a while. He was so pumped up for it and couldn’t wait for his little morning adventure to continue with a part two. Alas, when we arrived, the station was closed due to ongoing renovation works. If you knew how much he loves trains, you could probably imagine Daniel’s disappointment.

But as we were dealing with the nuclear disappointment, my wife and I saw a bus ad that screams CHILDREN’S MUSEUM at us! And aha, what a coincidental save that became for us.

And by the way, Daniel seems to be able to hold up well with a later bedtime these days. So we took that opportunity to catch the Night to Light festival on that same evening (talking about an eventful and a packed day huh).

Sunday

The following day was a slow one for us. House chores and getting some work done before the week begins are the usual to-do list features for us on Sundays. But thankfully, we found ourselves with a pocket of free time just before dinner, and we decided to head out for cycling to a place that I have been wanting to show my wife This part of Singapore feels really unlike Singaporean-ish. Even though I have only seen the place in movies, I always draw comparison to Jeju Island. It feels like we are in a coastal part of a Korean town.

Though some parts of the changi bay park connector was shut off and it began to drizzle midway through the ride, we were blessed with a beautiful weather. The golden hour that day was made even more beautiful when we caught a rainbow gleaming over us as we rode back to our starting point.

In the end, I felt like Daniel was back to his usual self. I hope we have gained back his trust that he would never be made to go through those horrible emotions again without good reason from my wife and I. I was just glad we could finally spend time together again as a family. Afterall, they are what that matters the most to me.

Till next time!